I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
