I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
