Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
