Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
