Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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