FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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