either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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