how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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