How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
