an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
