meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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