He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
