Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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