dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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