God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How drunk are you?
Completed.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
