sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
