I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
