After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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