i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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