Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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