every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
