its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Randomize
