Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
