Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
