I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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