is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize