I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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