from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
