I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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