If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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