can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
