sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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