you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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