I accidentally burped into my bong.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
