is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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