1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
