Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
