I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize