You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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