We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't want my vagina anymore.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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