11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
