I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
