i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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