Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
