wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
