Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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