did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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