i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
