what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
