i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
