i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
