dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
