i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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