what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
