Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
