what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
