What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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