She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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