I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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