And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
