i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize