You made me cry and you don't even care
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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