you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
