Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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