my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I am one with the molecules
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize