i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
