just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
