Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
