hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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