so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
