its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
