guys are not supposed to queef...right?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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